For this past week (updated: 3 weeks ago), I have been in New York to attend my Grandmother’s funeral. This is my first experience attending any funeral ceremony and has stirred my mind thinking about all the formalities associated with arranging the last rites for a dearly departed.

Arranging a funeral ceremony is one of the most, if not the most, emotionally intimate activity a child can do for a parent. If you think about it, parents fully determine the situations which children are welcomed to this world: the place of birth, the nationality, the name, etc.  However, children have final control over how parents will ultimately rest: the mode of burial, location of internment, remembrance ceremony --everything. I find this reciprocity interesting and never really noticed the connection until I was thrust into this very situation.

For some people, broaching the subject about death and burial rites is a gruesome topic that is best left untouched till situations require the need. However, I have been giving it some thought over how I would like to rest in the world when the time comes for me to depart existence.

The first choice to make is burial or cremation. My Grandmother chose cremation. To me, burial provides a stronger connection to the earth in that your body slowly decays and returns your body’s atoms to nature. Once can argue also that cremation also allows you to return to the earth. For instance, one could transport and spread ashes in many different situations, near a lake, out of an airplane, or even in outer space. You ultimately have more control over how your molecules will be recycled into the universe. In either case, all of your existence returns to the base elements that constitute the human body. At least in burial, technically your DNA and bones still remain on this earth. So there is still a unique marker on the planet indicating your existence. Cremation turns your whole being into carbon-dioxide, water, and base elements leaving no unique trace really that your feet treaded this earth.

Either way, I think the true difference between to two choices is not so much the method, but rather the environment where you are laid to rest. Most people get buried in a cemetery of course, and I have my own dislikes about being interred in a cemetery myself. We went to visit my late uncle who passed away when I was a small newborn. It was the first time I had visited his grave and the first time visiting a cemetery. As I watched the different plots of land during our drive around the cemetery, I could only remark to myself about the diverse types of markers which people chose to indicate their final resting place. At first examination, it seemed like each slab of stone, granite, or marble was competing with each other for attention. I saw huge obelisks piercing the air and towering over the low tombstones below. I saw a huge tomb or two carving out their own exclusive areas of space. I saw very plain markers that only had a flat slab of stone inserted into the ground with the grass even casting small shadows over the names etched in the markers. And of course, there was a profusion of different tombstones of different colors, shapes, and sizes. I guess this was a pretty old cemetery. We passed by older parts where you could see how the elements slows eat away at the rock.

The different words on the tombstones really gave me pause to think. Some just had a last name prominently on display. Some had a name coupled with a last sentence left to describe that person. Others had more elaborate descriptions with mini family trees and engravings of symbols or pictures. I am sure these important words provide great significance to the family and loved ones. But to me of course, I could only remark not on the actual meaning behind the letterings, but rather just on the types of letterings themselves. The ironic thing I suddenly realized is  that a cemetery is still a plot of earth and is owned by somebody else. You have to secure the rights to be in the cemetery. I’m not sure whether it’s like a lease to an apartment or something.  But, the upkeep of your last remains entrusted to complete strangers. One could say that a cemetery provides a more stable resting place because the people that run the cemetery are professionals that take it as their own responsibility to ensure that the land remains undisturbed. But I find it somewhat strange that the people who most visit your grave are not your loved ones, but rather the facility keepers that take away the dead flowers and make cut the grass.

This reminds me of a rather ironic comment my uncle made concerning burial plots. I am sure many of your parents including mine came from other countries. However, their final resting place could be very distant from the places where they could have lived the most significant portion of their lives. To paraphrase my Uncle: “You can look at the tombstone and really wonder ‘how the hell did these people ever end up here.’” My Grandmother is a good example, she lived most of her life in Hong Kong, and various places in China. However, she spent her last years staying with my Aunt in New York. Thus, despite having stronger ties to China, New York State is her final rest point. Actually, my grandmother is only somewhat relevant to this paragraph because she was actually cremated and only her ashes remain here. But I will leave the comparisons because the permanence of a burial plot only emphasizes the finality of the end location.

In the past, when generations of a family would live and die in the same village, being buried on your family plot of land would seem only natural. You would live in one place your whole life, and have your remains stay within that very same area. However, modern times introduce the high probability that families will be separated from each other over significant geographic distances. The actual location of your permanent resting place seems fairly arbitrary since you can never ensure that there will always be immediate family in close proximity.  Visiting the resting place of your loved ones might turn into an extended journey requiring considerable time and planning. One would think it is natural to keep family close during one’s lifetime – well why not also during death. I understand the subject of death and the departing of a loved one can stir very emotional and unhappy memories. And maybe some feel more comfortable that the dead have a special place where they can rest separate from the world of living. I think a burial plot creates a somewhat artificial barrier between the living and dead. Rather than making it hard to pay respects to the dearly departed, why not make it easy.

This brings me to the second option of cremation. My grandfather died in Asia. However, he was cremated and set in an urn. It was a simple matter of moving that very urn from Asia to New York when my grandmother also moved. Thus, he was able to travel with my grandmother even in death. I doubt this would be nearly as possible had he been buried in a permanent resting place. Rather than have your remains be bound permanently to an arbitrary patch of earth, why not have the spirit travel with the loved ones that remain on living. I think that is the best way to really create a long-lasting testimonial to one’s continued presence in the lives of your children.

Here’s how I would like to go: cremate my ashes and place part of my remains in separate urns that remain with my progeny. Time will tell whether I want some special ceremony performed with part of my ashes (I’ll figure this out later). I would tell my children that instead of spending a huge sum of money buying a marble space for me in some strange mausoleum I have never visited, save that money and buy me a nice cabinet instead. Set my remains among the favorite items that stir up the happiest memories –photos, figurines, favorite books, whatever that child wants. This ensures that whenever stories about me are told and images of how I lived my life brought into existence through the words of those who knew me, I will be close to listen.

If possible, set the location near a source of natural sunlight .Place a living flower or plant someplace nearby. I share my mother’s general disdain for cut flowers. Cut flowers look nice for a while, but eventually end up brown, withered and dry. Why not place before me a living thing that can blossom over and over again. Actually, what I would also ask is that a fruit tree be planted in my name. My mother and I did this when her father and mother passed away. We planted an Asian pear tree and a persimmon tree. I still remember the day we did that and I found that act of remembrance very touching. So I will continue that tradition with parents and would want that tradition continued with me. My tree will remain with my family. It will grow as my family will grow, bear fruit to be enjoined by my family, and will be cared for by nurtured by my family. Death is only a natural part of life and why not be remembered with a living monument rather than a life-less slab of stone or a cold urn.

I am sure many of you have differing opinions that what I have shared. These words are just my general views for what it’s worth.

This makes me depressed.

 

 

For all that is great about this country, there's a whole lot of things screwed up about where we set priorities. That's the risk of aggregate numbers. Numbers by themselves are meaningless unless put into perspective. This one number $200 Billion is the same. This is what it costs us for continuing to be in Iraq each year. The $200B is a conservative estimate because it does not take into account the opportunity costs $200b would have had in stimulating the economy had it been put to proper use.  More details here:

 

 

 

Here's an interesting article about the richest woman in china:

 

 

The most interesting tidbit from the story is that this lady is probably the richest self-made billionaire. Take that Oprah :-P. Also, it highlights the potential of yet another Chinese based company to threaten the established multi-nationals in Europe and America. In this case the product in question is paper and cardboard. Not exactly the most awe inspiring thing in the world, yet with a country with huge exports in consumer durables, you need to shipping materials for transport.

 

 

So, I have decided to start writing a blog.  My motivations aren’t for sharing my day to day revelations, or for creating a platform to broadcast my thoughts for the betterment of the world. No, rather I have realized that my writing skills have been on a downward slide. And, I feel I must correct this negative momentum. So, bit by bit I am going to write something. Everything that is a skill must be practiced, refined, and nurtured. Writing is no different.

I have discussed on many occasions the incredibly sad state of the writing education in this country. I was fortunate enough to go to a school system that put an emphasis on writing. Despite the growing pains I experienced many times in high-school English, I am a better person having gone through the practice of writing essay after essay. My trouble often stemmed from the isolation of “writing” strictly to the English class. Writing is a method of communication. And the topics we need to communicate are not confined to just literary texts, or the fictional novel. Writing should be practiced and emphasized in the science class, the history class, and even in the math class. What they never tell you in high school, nor in college is how critical writing will play in the working world.

Hence, my current predicament and how I noticed a glaring area for improvement. In my current situation, I will never need to create a thesis on a literary novel. However, I do have to create written material. Like it or not, communication is part of marketing. Now, my writing skills are not horrible, but in the realm of job interviews my other skills have come up more often. How often have you read “analytical/quantitative skills” in some job description or another. Translated: “are you good with numbers”  and more specifically “are you good with data”. Mastery of written language often is confined to the sentence “communication skills”. I was able to coast past this line item with my mastery of the spoken language. Meaning: I can talk and speak like I actually know something. In the endless interviews I have attended, only a couple of my potential employers have specifically asked for a written submission. My realized employer is not one of those few.

Ironically, out of all the skills found in the business  setting(accounting, finance, operations etc.) the function of marketing  depends most on written communication. The heart of marketing is communication to the potential customer why exactly your product fulfills their needs and wants. I know many an engineer, I included at one time, who rank the intellectual faculties needed to be a marketer to be somewhat between the skills need to be a janitor and security. But for all of the scoffs and sarcastic comments, the marketers hold tremendous amounts of power just by the fact they control the flow of information letting the world know what is there to know about the product. For example, one day as part of my marketing training a senior product manager came to give a talk. During one part of that product manager’s career, he owned the public messaging for a very important product of my company. Needless to say, after he drafted his initial public messaging campaign, he quickly began receiving some serious phone calls from  annoyed general managers and VPs on the development side. Their main source of annoyance stemmed from the fact that their features were not going to publicized the extent they had wished. Basically, this one product manager held the keys to give public attention, and thereby generate public credit for each of these feature teams. This demonstrates the source of power that we as  “marketers” possess. What the world does not know, to the world it does not exist. End of Story.

I will make no great pains to make these entries amusing, witty, or particularly entertaining. Since I have just started this new “self-initiative”, I have yet to determine the level of editing and refinement I will give to these entries. These blog entries are my homework I have assigned to myself.

It will join a growing list of assignments I hope to keep up.

1)      Write more. This blog is a start

2)      Get healthy. I currently live about 10 minutes away from my work. One of the reasons is that I hate commuting in the morning and feel it is a time vacuum. Rather, I can use the tie saved into more useful things. Namely, sleeping later in the day, and going to the gym. Another reason why I live close to corporate campus is because the company subsidized gym is also close to campus. It literally takes no time to go the gym, and therefore I have not excuse not to stick to a fitness routine. If I lived a bit more from campus, the slow creep of laziness would probably doom my chances adhere to a fitness regimen. So, I play these mind games and deny any conscionable excuse for me not to “get healthy”.

3)      Resume practicing the keyboards. I played the ebony and ivory in the high school jazz band.  I was not particularly good at piano. However, looking back, that period of time at 7 to 8 in the morning was an chance to exercise parts of my brain I also feel are slowly rusting away. All, I need to do is buy a keyboard.

4)      Somehow maintain the sparse knowledge of Chinese I still remember. I am not a language person. Today, I have to use most of my mental faculties already to keep up with English ( hence this blog……). I have recently found an excellent grammar book on the Chinese language. Hopefully, combining the use of this book, revisiting old Chinese textbooks and  attending a continuing education classes will help me retain some use of the language.

5)      Master Chinese cooking. This one is a no brainer. I have to eat every day. I might as well use this natural motivation to my advantage and improve on a valuable life skill. I grew up in the presence of the excellent food my mother prepared. She grew up in Malaysia. So, her particular way of cooking is one part Cantonese, another part Malaysian/Singaporean, and last parts every other part of the world. Honestly, I would have to venture far and wide to go outside and find a restaurant that replicated the menu courses served. Therefore, I should learn to cook so that I can be self-sufficient when it comes to my own favorable types of food.

This is a short is of the things on my perpetual “to-do list”. These action items (start getting accustomed to the usual office rhetoric)  particularly require some frequent practice.

We’ll see whether laziness will get the best of me….